he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
