It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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