just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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