i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
