She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
