and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
