I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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