I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
