Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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