Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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