Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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