His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
