The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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