your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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