I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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