when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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