eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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