i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
two words: eviction party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
