does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
