Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
