Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
