I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize