I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
