Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
