We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
