He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
