dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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