i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
