marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
