So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
