Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
