How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize