you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
