I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
