I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how do flat chested girls get laid?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
