Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
