I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize