Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
