we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
