I'm eating all of the evidence.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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