Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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