the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
