it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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