some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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