ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
