My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
