she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
