At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
