We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
