So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to cum in my sink.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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