I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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