Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
