I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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