I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
