I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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