Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
