Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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