Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
