dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
