Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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