There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
