I am midnight drunk by noon
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
