I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
