I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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