well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
