All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
