Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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