What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
